Guilty All the Same
by ArcelSkye
Summary: Clint has withdrawn from Natasha. He is still being haunted by Loki's possession. How far will Natasha go to get back the man she once knew? Dark things will come to light, and the two will have no choice but to face their feelings for each other. Clintasha. Dark and depressing. Set after The Avengers, but before Captain America 2.
1. Chapter 1

Natasha awoke to Clint screaming. She bolted out of her bed and dashed to his room, flinging open the door. She strode over to his bed and shook him by the shoulders.

"Clint! Wake up!" she shouted.

His eyes fluttered open, focusing on her.

"Nat...?" he whispered. "What are you doing here?"

She sat beside him. "You were screaming. I figured... that you were having another one of those nightmares again."

Clint sat up, pressing a hand to his face. "Not again..." he muttered. He looked at Natasha. "I'm sorry I woke you."

Natasha smiled and touched his face. "Don't be. I'm here for you, no matter what. Never forget that."

He managed to return her smile. "Thanks, Nat."

They sat in silence for a minute before Natasha asked, "You want to get some coffee?"

Clint sighed. "Might as well. I don't think I'll be going back to sleep anytime soon."

Natasha stood as Clint got out of bed. "I'll get changed and meet you outside your room in five minutes."

Clint nodded. "Okay."

Natasha smiled briefly before she turned and left the room.

Clint watched her go, a torrent of emotions washing over him.

Natasha and Clint sat in a Starbucks about two blocks from were they were staying. There was silence between the two, each caught in their own thoughts

It was Natasha who broke the silence. "Your nightmares have been getting worse and more frequent. Clint, things can't go on like this. You'll lose yourself at this rate."

He didn't respond right away. "I know you're right, but... it's hard to stop and even harder to forget."

Natasha reached across the table and graspes his hands in her own. "I understand that. Really, I do. You know that. Let me help you. All you need to do is talk and I'll listen." her voice held a desperate tone, catching Clint off guard.

"Tasha..." the vulnerability in his voice shook Natasha to her core.

"Let me help," she insisted.

"Nat," Clint whispered. Just when it seemed like he would relent, he pulled his hands away. He stood, and started to walk out. He paused at Natasha's side, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Forgive me, but this is my burden to bear."

He let go, but Natasha grabbed his wrist. "Don't you dare leave me."

Clint gazed at her in surprise. He closed his eyes and steeled his resolve. "Goodbye, Natasha." he pulled his arm free and left.

It was the first time in a long time that he'd called her 'Natasha'.

Natasha sank into her chair. She glanced up at the cieling, recalling the time she and Clint had spent together. She wondered where it went wrong. When had everything changed?

And she wondered just what he meant to her.

She covered her eyes with her arm, blocking out the light.

_Will I let him go?_

Clint walked outside, standing on the sidewalk onlooking the street as cars passed him by. He glanced at Starbucks over his shoulder, wondering if Natasha had followed him, but sh hadn't.

He didn't know why, but that made him feel disappointed.

Clint turned away, refusing to look back.

No matter what Natasha meant to him, he wouldn't allow himself to make her suffer anymore than she already had.

A sharp pain stabbed his chest.

_I will let her go._

**_A/N: this was very depressing for me to write. I almost cried. Please comment and review, I would love to hear your thoughts!_**


	2. Chapter 2

He didn't return to the hotel that night.

Natasha briefly considered searching for him but decided against it. She thought it best to give him some space. Plus she needed time to herself to gather her thoughts.

She stayed up late, busying herself with trivial tasks, such as tidying up an already clean room. All the while she continuously checked her cell phone for any sort of communication from Clint.

At long last a phone call came, but she was met with surprise and disappointment at the caller ID displayed on the screen.

The screen showed Director Fury.

She answered. "Director."

"Agent Romanoff. How are you on this fine evening?"

Natasha drew in a breath. "Fine, sir. Is there a reason for this call?"

She heard him chuckle softly. "There is. Romanoff, I need you back at headquarters asap."

There was a short pause before she responded. "Sir, with all due respect, I... won't be coming back just yet."

"What?" Fury sounded incredilous. "Are you denying a _direct_ order?"

Natasha leaned against the wall. "I suppose so. If it makes you feel better, consider this a temporary leave of absence."

Fury didn't respond immediatly. "I know I can't change your mind, but will you at least tell me the reason for this?"

Natasha sighed deeply. "It's personal."

"Personal?" She could almost see his eyebrows rise. "I get it. Do what you have to do, and do me a favor, will you?"

"What favor?" She asked.

"Give Barton my regards."

Natasha felt a lump form in her throat. "Will do."

He hung up.

* * *

Clint sat atop the roof of a run down apartment building, gazing up at the night sky.

He didn't want to fall asleep just yet, out of fear of having another nightmare.

A nightmare where he was onc again devoid of free will.

It was also thoughts of Natasha keeping him awake. He couldn't deny that she was the most important thing in his life, quite possibly the only reason he hadn't completely lost himself yet.

However, the descent into darkness had already begun, and it could not be stopped.

"Natasha..." he muttered before finally drifting into the abyss of sleep.

* * *

Natasha awoke to sunlight streaming through the window. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand beside the bed, the time being 10:00 a.m.

She groaned as she slid out of bed, exhausted from a fitful sleep. She rubbed the last of sleep from her eyes and set about getting dressed, putting on a red t-shirt and dark jeans. To top it off, she pulled on a black leather jacket.

Natasha checked her phone.

Nothing.

She shoved the phone into her back pocket and exited the room.

* * *

Natasha spent the rest of the morning and the majority of the afternoon searching the city for Clint.

Her efforts were to no avail, he search proving fruitless.

She eventually settled into a small café for a quick break. As she sat down with some coffee and a snack, she felt her phone vibrate. She pulled it out of her pocket and examined the screen.

It was a message from Clint.

She opened the text and read it.

_I know you're looking for me._

_Don't. _

A second text followed a minute later:

_Forget about me._

_This is my burden to bare._

_I'm sorry, and goodbye._

Natasha slammed the phone on the table, the force putting a crack in the screen.

He was really starting to piss her off.

No way in hell would she let him give up so easily. She got up and left the café, her resolve stronger than ever.


End file.
